-= =-

Dental surgeries are the worst thing to be introduced by man.

My dental surgeon is a weirdie.  He has sapphire blue eyes, gorgeous, and bleach yellow hair, yuck, and his name is Neil, weirdie.  The people were pleasent, I give them that.  The assistant was asking where I was going, what I was majoring in, and when I told her of my Pre-Med she started asking me well what was my blood pressure [it was being electronically monitored every ten minutes or so].  And she offered me magazines to read while I was waiting, very pleasent.

The surgery part, not so pleasent.

I have a severely low pain tolerance when it comes to dental work.  And when they say, "you're not going to feel any pain, just pressure" well it felt like that fucking pressure was trying to shove a tooth up into my brain.  And these were no regular extractions, no.  I had to have the teeth broken piece by piece because they were too fragile to just yank.  So I'm getting dental work done, the damn blood pressure cuff is still on my arm, taking my blood pressure, meanwhile I've got fists clenched so tight that I'm probably going through the roof.

Then I started to feel it.

Yeah, not enough novocain.  I'm having a panic attack on the table.  My body's shaking, my pressure is going up to 140 and probably above  So they finally decide to give me more novocain and I walk out there, two biscupid molar less, and my gums cut away at to make room for my wisdom teeth to come down.

... mother fucking pain.  Vicoden is not cutting it right now and I can't eat solid foods, probably not for a long time till these wisdom teeth move down.  And my mouth is so swollen that it hurts to smile

P.S. if you haven't been informed already, you'll find out now

GRADUATION PARTY    SUNDAY, JUNE 10TH    4:30 -- ???

-=I Want a Boy to Love for My Birthday=-

Whoa, it's that time again

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO ME

I really had no hopes for this birthday.  Since dad has to have the bypass surgery on his heart, going to the shore was shot.  Or at least it was until my family went behind my back and called Sam Ruby and got him to clear, letting him go to the shore as long as he didn't drive.

Then last night, it rained so Stefan and I's plans got cancelled.  But I did get to see Melissa and her overly-nice-and-complimenting father.  So the shore was, again, a no go because the weather seemed so terrible that we figured Sunday at the shore would be terrible too.  And of course, my birthday had to land on Mother's Day this year and it was expected that all my friends were busy with their mothers [meanwhile my parents had cleared it with me that since every seven years my birthday fell on mother's day, we would surpass the mother's day experience and focus more on my birthday].

BUT! 

The best thing happened... 

I woke up with a smile this morning. 

I couldn't stop smiling.  All day.  From the moment I woke up, which was extremely early like six or seven, till now.  Even now I haven't stopped smiling.  I've been getting texts from my friends all day long, telling me happy birthday.  I shopped and picked out a tasty vegetarian dish for my birthday dinner.  Melissa took me out to lunch for my birthday at Gateway.  Then we went shopping and I got lots of capris to wear during the summer, and some new boots.  Yum. 

.. and there's still more to come.  I'm so happy.  I can't believe it.

P.S. Happy birthday Ray :)

-=I'm Just a Girl=-

Senior Prom. 

        in practically two weeks. 

              and I'm taking Stefan.

whoa...

did anyone not see that coming?  because i seriously didn't.

not only that...

i don't have a dress.  it's like snowball all over again.  minus Stefan actually saying yes this time.  i can't find anything pretty.  i want to look breath-taking. awe-inspiring.  i want him to blink and look me up and down when he greets me at my house in his tux.  hell, i want everyone to look me up and down.

and i can't seem to find a single dress that makes me feel like i would do that

Currently Listening The Lake House By Rachel Portman Paul McCartney - This How it Happens see related

We're gray and the room is dark
I'm in love and he is not

Flash
He's staring into my eyes
With a look that's never shot so deep before
Flash
The space between us is dissipating
And there's no room for breathing

No one is paying attention
The erratic beating of hearts drown out all sound
We're the background of the scene
Yet this scene is all about us
And in a moment it could all be over

Flash
He's staring into my eyes
With a look that's never shot so deep before
Flash
The space between us is dissipating
And there's no room for breathing

... I wonder why at times I don't write my poetry anymore.  I suppose I don't have the time, or perhaps I just don't feel like I have the creativity anymore.

Tonight I was asked just what was I running away from.  Why do I keep myself so busy.  And I had to look away otherwise all the months worth of tears I've been trying to hide would come out, and I wasn't ready to show him that. 

It's not weak to talk about your feelings.

It's not weak to need someone to fall back on.

... or so they say.

I don't sleep because I'm afraid she won't be there in the morning.

-=It's the Most Wonderful Time=-

I can't wait for Valentines Day

Oh wait, I don't have a boyfriend
              nor a date.
Just work that night.

Nevermind.

I can wait.

I saw Epic Movie tonight with Whitney.  How refreshing to actually go out into the world besides going to the grocery store, put money in the account, to work, or to classes. The movie was rather stupid, but it felt great to be out.  Minus the really cold air part. I saw a guy there that was by himself and then quickly left the movie right after it was done as if he was ashamed or scared to be caught being there and leaving by himself.  I couldn't do that.  Just go to a movie by myself.  I can't do many things by myself, I feel too awkward. Perhaps I work so much so I can avoid having to make plans.

I wish it would snow.

I think that's the only reason I stay in this state anymore.  For the snow.  I love snow.  And I would tolerate the cold so much more if there was white every where, but there isn't.  Some places have nine feet and we have nothing. 

How aggravating.